How Are You?

My son tells me that I should keep this blog happy but when I reintroduced it I said that I was taking you along on my journey to better health.

For the past two years when I was asked “How are you?” my response was “I’m okay.”  It felt like I was lying if I said that I was good.  To be honest, I felt that sometimes it was hard to breathe, tears came quick and often and I didn’t feel like or have the energy to do much.

As I sat in my contemplation seat (which is on the back of the motorcycle), I considered the question of “how am I?

I’m doing so much better.  I could even answer, “I’m good.” That doesn’t mean that I’m not still grieving or that life has changed that much. It’s just having the cloud of depression lift enough to see that there is still things to enjoy, events to celebrate, people to love. 

I notice that I have come from not wanting to do anything to planning things to do.  I have energy to walk and hike.  I am working harder to keep getting better.  I also have the wisdom to know that I don’t want to go back to that place so I try and shield myself from negativity. I sometimes still cry over nothing because of everything.

I have learned a lot about myself through this journey.  I have always tried to make people happy.  You can’t always do that.  I will try and then my goal is to not take it personally if they can’t see my heart.  I am only responsible for my own actions.

I never thought that I would be someone that struggled with depression and anxiety.  I would have never guessed that life would throw so many things at me. I have also noticed that people around me have gone or are going through a lot. None of us are immune to the struggles of life.  I am trying to work at being able to be there for my friends because they have been there for me.

So how am I? 

I’m good and getting better…one minute at a time, one step at a time.  The goal is to keep moving ahead and not be down on myself when the next tear falls.