A Suspension Bridge!

After what seemed like a busy week for two retired grandparents, we had a day with nothing on the calendar.  Sarah strolled off to the bus and I cut Ron’s hair.  Once that was done, it was time to decide how we would fill the day.  The morning was cool so we decided the motorcycle would stay in the garage.  

It was looking like a windy day which meant canoeing was scratched off the list.  We decided to pack a lunch and go for a drive.  We first ended up in Havelock.  Ron’s aunt and uncle use to live there and we drove by their old house.  We then went to the grave yard to clean their stone.  Ron is very good to try and keep family monuments looking cared for.  From there, we drove to Campbelford to do a little walk.

The start of the trail was the hardest for me…I had to walk across a suspension bridge.  For those that know me well, bridges are not my thing.  

We started across and Ron held my hand and tried to walk the right speed (not too fast and definitely not too slow).  I didn’t look left or right and definitely not down.  Three quarters of the way, the wind seemed stronger.  There was a little sway and I felt a panic attack coming.  I couldn’t breathe and looked to the end of the bridge.  A few more steps and tears came.  Why do I get like this?  With only a couple of steps left to go, I thought I was going to be sick.  I finally felt like I could breathe when I stepped off the bridge.  

After a few good breaths, I was ready for our exploring through the trails.  We walked through a campground and came to the river and walked along the shaded path.  

It was a beautiful walk with lots of places to enjoy the views of the river, the lock and the gorge but every step I took I thought about having to cross over the bridge when the hike led us back to where we started.  

When our loop was completed the bridge was the last obstacle for me to do.  

Ron held my hand and we walked steadily across.  I was even able to glance down the River once and see what a beautiful place we were in.  I didn’t stop to take any pictures because I didn’t want the panic feeling to return.  When I made it to the other side I felt much better.  I stepped back to snap one picture.  

From there, we drove to the World’s Finest Chocolate Warehouse only to find a sign on the door to find their goods at a grocery store down town.  Since I had made it alive over the bridge I decided I deserved a treat so we went off to hunt down chocolate. It was disappointing that the warehouse had closed but we were not skunked.

After securing our chocolate stash, we drove down the highway and stopped at Empire Cheese.  For a girl that loves cheese almost as much as she dislikes bridges, I was a happy camper.  

The fridges were neatly lines with so many flavours of cheese.  I chose a couple bricks and Ron grabbed a bag of curd.  The curd did not disappoint.  The ‘squeakiness’ of each bite proved that we got the fresh stuff….so good!

We drove on to Deseronto to have a little visit with one of Ron’s relatives.  Ron had been into the Napanee graveyard where his family history is displayed across the stones.  His great grandparents’ stone had been laying on the ground.  Due to the ground settling over the years it left the monument in need of repair.  

Ron sent messages out to family members and a couple wanted to help with the maintenance and so while we were visiting in Deseronto, this family member gave Ron some money to help get the job done.

We got home after Sarah arrived and she was happy that we hadn’t forgotten about her in our travels.

So what does a retired couple do on a day when there is nothing scheduled….whatever they want (and sometimes things that they don’t want)!

My Two Cents on the Penny

Today’s blog is brought to you by the extinct penny.  In February 2013, the Royal Canadian Mint stopped distributing pennies to financial institutions.  At that time I was working for a large credit union in Saskatchewan.  A few months later I resigned.  The two events had nothing to do with each other but the CEO acknowledged my resignation and tied the two together in his update to staff.

Like most, we still have a few of these coins but for the most part you don’t see the one cent around too much in Canada.

Yesterday we went out for lunch.  Stephen gave me a Mother’s Day gift that just keeps giving.  It was a gift card for downtown Kingston.  What a perfect gift!! Today’s choice was Copper Penny.  It felt like coming home. 😂

We enjoyed a good lunch and were not disappointed with our stop. 

We came home after our Kingston errands were completed and Penny, the neighborhood cat arrived at 8:30 for her evening meal.

Oh and one more Penny thing…a few months ago I asked my cuz if she made bubble bath.  Denise makes soaps, bath bombs, creams and so much more at her SOAP SHACK.  She said that she doesn’t anymore but a little while later she showed up with this!

The penny may be extinct but the name lives on.  I’m thankful that Ron kept this old coin around!

Roller Coaster vs The Swan Ride

Life is a roller coaster of ups and downs.  I hate roller coasters!  I haven’t ridden on too many but I have always wondered why people like them.  This is how I describe that horrible ride.  I would stand in line waiting and watching.  The line is long and usually it’s a hot day.  People around are describing the excitement and horror of what awaits at the front of the line.  I turn my eyes up and see the “lucky ones” that have made it onto the ride.  As it begins, people have the look of expectation, fear and bewilderment.  Slowly, the car goes on the track up the fake hill.  I wonder how safe really is that?  As the ride comes to the top, hands are thrown up in the air and the yelling begins.  Some yell from the thrill, some from terror and some because everyone else is doing it.  I look back down and realize that the line has moved forward and I’m getting closer to the thrill that I don’t want to experience.  Just before the stairs to climb to the starting point is the moment that I come to my senses.  Why would I put myself through that?  I don’t like having my stomach being thrown up to my mouth!  I don’t need to do that?  I turn out of the line and head to the swan ride.  The line is much shorter and the ride calmer.

Life happens around us.  I dislike those jolting moments where I feel terror and unrest.  I don’t seem to have control over the outcome and I feel like my emotions have been thrown around like the sudden turns and unexpected drops of the roller coaster.  🎢 I had a thought today while Ron and I were canoeing.  

I can’t control life around me but I can choose how I ride it.  What about instead of getting whip lash from the experience, I take the gentle ride.  I can’t promise that I won’t have those uncomfortable moments but what I would prefer to do is take the gentle approach.  Enjoy the good things.  Make good memories.

Since writing is like therapy to me, I will use my blog to share the happy moments of life.  I’ve noticed that even in the darkest days there are good times and memories to make and hold on to.

Here are a few from today…

Stay tune for more of life’s special moment…Swan Style! 

My Thoughts

A year and a half has past since I shared my thoughts on this page.  All of last year, I blogged almost daily for my sister. The blog was entitled “I’m STEELE Standing.” (Link for the blog)  My sister, Tina was diagnosed with ALS on January 25, 2022 and faught this horrible disease for 11 months and four days. Our hearts are still in the midst of grieving.

The past couple of years have been hard.  I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety and panic attacks.  My feelings have kept me away from people and had made it hard to cope with day to day life.  These emotions started in 2021 and with Tina’s diagnosis and other family situations and dynamics, I spiraled.  I was scared.

For the past two years, we also had the primary care for one, two and sometimes three of our grandchildren.  In some ways, I think that was what kept me getting up every morning.

Two to three weeks ago I felt the cloud of depression starting to lift.  It’s not gone, but I now feel like I have some energy to battle it.  

This blog use to be filled with beautiful places and smiling faces.  My goal is to get back to that and I want to try to journal my steps along the way.  I promise that this won’t be a doom and gloom blog but rather rejoicing in the steps to recovery. ❤️‍🩹 

Anxiety

The definition of anxiety is:

a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event

or something with an uncertain outcome.

So, I guess I am allowed to have it with thinking about surgery BUT I don't like it. 

The symptoms of a panic attack include:

• Racing heart - yup!

• Chest pain, feeling like you're having a heart attack - already had an echocardiogram  - all good but still have the symptoms

• Feelings of complete terror, impending doom or death that are paralyzing - not really, unless it counts that I showed Ron where the life insurance policies are and how to get into the bank accounts.

• Feeling sweaty or having chills - do hot flashes count?

• Feeling out of control or like you're going crazy - well, that is kind of normal for me but yes, a little more out of control!

• Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing  - oh yeah, no doubt!

• Feeling detached from your surroundings - not so much...although the For Sale sign on the house always does that a bit.

• Experiencing nausea or upset stomach - oh that reminds me to add gravol to my grocery list.

• Having numbness or tingling sensations - especially in my fingers plus my hands have swollen so that I can't wear my rings.

• Feeling like you're choking - that's for sure!

Okay, so I have the symptoms and I even have a reason BUT I still don't like it.


So if I can google the symptoms I can google how to help anxiety.


Try these when you're feeling anxious or stressed:

• Take a time-out. -That's what days off are all about!
• Eat well-balanced meals. - My fitnesspal app helps me with this one. 
• Limit alcohol and caffeine. - No alcohol BUT going without tea would cause me more stress!

• Get enough sleep.  - Oh, I try but my fitbit keeps telling me that I am not sleeping deeply and Ron tells me in the morning that my tossing and turning is causing him not to either.
• Exercise daily - Not a problem!  I need to keep my fitbit happy!
• Take deep breaths. - Doing it right now but the fumes of my oven being cleaned gives me a headache. 
• Count to 10 slowly. - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6....10.  I guess I need to work on that one. 
• Do your best. Instead of aiming for perfection...., Hard one.  I made a couple of mistakes this week at work and it was hard to let it go! 
• Accept that you cannot control everything. - So true but that is a hard one!  This is usually when the tears come.
• Welcome humor. - My son has been providing me with this by sending photos of Bentley who is currently in remission from his cancer!

• Maintain a positive attitude. - Oh, I am trying.  We are looking ahead and have booked our 35th Anniversary trip on Vancouver Island....6 nights on the ocean!

• Get involved. - Being busy at work helps plus having the days off with Ron and going on our little adventures is very positive.
• Learn what triggers your anxiety. - Oh, I know exactly what the trigger is ....March 28th when they will put me to sleep and a knife will go across my neck.  I will wake up a few hours later to a loving husband, my sweet daughter is who coming to help with things and a son who  always been there for me.  We will then wait for a few weeks to hear about the success of the surgery and if it was indeed cancer.
• Talk to someone. - I'm doing that.  I called my grandchildren.  I got to hear about Emma losing her tooth and how she is cleaning her room so the tooth fairy can come tonight.
  

I know that I am going to make it through....I am working to try to not let the anxiety overwhelm me.  One lady at work told me that I shouldn't be too hard on myself.  I'm allowed to be concerned.  Being told not to worry can cause more anxiety.  As I pause to think about what I want to type I notice that I am wringing my hands.  It's just there!

But now....I'm going to get moving for the day.  I want to

get the house cleaned,

the laundry done,

ironing caught up,

banking looked after,

some college work done,

the oven cleaned,

go for a walk,

maybe watch a movie....

150 Days Minus 31.4

I don't know how it happened but on June 22nd of this year I found myself looking down at the scale and finding myself the heaviest I had ever been.  I wanted to blame everything. 

• It might be my thyroid acting up and perhaps I am not on the right medication for it? 
• It might just be the age that I am....everyone gains weight right? 
• Perhaps, it was the isolation of 2 years on the reserve where I couldn't walk outside by myself but really I knew.....

I really like to bake but it had to stop and so I got back onto myfitnesspal.com and documented every single calorie that I consumed.  I exercised regularly and faithfully.  Slowly things started to work in my favour.

It's taken time but by being consistent I started to see a change in the way I look in pictures and feel the difference in my clothes.  I was also feeling so much better inside and out.

I'm not quite done yet.  I had already reached my first goal and now have set a new goal and when I get to that I will re-evaluate and see where to go from there.  My ultimate goal is to feel good, eat healthy and exercise regularly.  Slowly I am getting there.

I can see a difference and I sure can feel one!  So today I am celebrating my 150th day with healthy meals, a nice walk, an extra tea and one little square of chocolate AND knowing that I am now 31.4 pounds lighter. 

Waiting No More

So an update on the job situation.  I went for the interview on January 12th before the posting was even closed.  The gentleman that interviewed me said that they had been "inundated" with applications.  They had created a short list and I was on it.  I was really quite flattered to have made it to that point in the process.  The interview went well and he had told me that he would let me know in two weeks one way or the other.

Two weeks passed and then three and I called their human resources contact person.  She told me that she would get back to me by the end of the week.  That weeks passed and so did the next and still no word.

Today I went on their site and found the answer.

So I guess I have the answer...the position has been filled and they didn't call me so I'm guessing it's not me.

And how do I feel?  A little disappointed and a little relieved.  I just hope my hubby still is okay with supporting me.  Hot lunches, laundry, ironing, a clean house and company on his days off is all I can do to make it up to him.  I think he is okay with it.

Five more days until holidays so I guess I'm still waiting!

It's a Good Day!

I feel very proud of myself.  Since we moved to our new posting in June I have hardly gone out of the house without Ron unless it is to shovel in the winter or to the backyard in the summer to read.


But today ...  I did it!  I only had to go a few minutes into the village to the clinic but I did it.  If you are reading this and know nothing about where we live you will think I have major problems but the fact is that I did it.  I must admit I had a little anxiety but all I can say is I did it!


I feel like a big girl!  It's a good day.




The weather has warmed up quite a bit.  To some it would seem cold but it almost feels like spring out there today.  So that means it's a good day!

Light snow

-10°C

Feels like -12

That's kind of springy....compared to -46.


I just got a call from work and they gave me a project to fill lots of my hours.  It's a good day!


I just checked my marks for my last two courses:

Certificate/Diploma & Advanced Course work

CRN	Subject	Course	Section	Course Title	Campus	Final Grade	Attempted	Earned	GPA Hours	Quality Points
965	ACCT	122	E39	Intro Financial Accounting 1	Palliser	95	4.000	4.000	4.000	380.00
1324	HR	230	E39	Recruitment and Selection	Palliser	85	4.000	4.000	4.000	340.00

Certificate/Diploma & Advanced Summary

		Attempted	Earned	GPA Hours	Quality Points	GPA
Current Term:		8.000	8.000	8.000	720.00	90.00
Cumulative:		39.000	39.000	39.000	3308.00	84.82
Transfer:		0.000	0.000	0.000	0.00	0.00
Overall:		39.000	39.000	39.000	3308.00	84.82

That makes it a pretty good day!


And....only 5 weeks until a warm holiday....Now that is going to be a great day!

Who am I?

My Sisters

Well I would normally say (to the groans of my family)....I was the "poor middle child."  In reality, we were all loved equally by wonderful parents; but you must admit that there is some truth to the following:

• the middle child is the most patient 
• the oldest gets to lead the way, has all the pictures taken of them 
• the youngest is the spoiled one

But enough said.  Don't you just love ringlets?  My mom obviously did.  Oh, and the matching dresses!  That was always fun because look, my older sister has the same dress and guess what, when she outgrows it....I get to wear the same dress again (and this time it is out of style).  I was so glad when I grew taller than my older sister but she refused to wear my hand-me-downs.



My Parents at their 50th Anniversary (and this year they will celebrate 57 years!)

 

 



At 19 I married my wonderful husband and after 30 years of marriage we have two great kids....Jenn and Stephen and three grandchildren.  Wow, time flies.

Family Cruise 2008

Our Grandchildren....I make sure that the middle one gets lots of love!!! (and the oldest and youngest too!)